Tall Texas Tales

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=125 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="12a467d1erkjxk.gif"> <div> <B>   </B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" ><B><IMG SRC="32fef35f0.gif" border=0 width="755" height="95" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></FONT></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=160 BGCOLOR="#FFFFCC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <IMG SRC="1e73d3d0.gif" border=0 width="61" height="61" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> Send us your Tall Texas Tales! Every one has heard one. Everybody loves them. E-mail your submissions to</div> <div> <B> THE EDITORS</B></div> <div> <B>HOME</B></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=355 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div>  <script type="text/javascript"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"> </script>  </div> <div> <B>Tall Texas Tales</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Dipsticks Anonymous</B></div> <bR> <div> There are a lot of folks that can't understand how </div> <div> we ran out of oil here in the USA. </div> <div>  </div> <div> Well, here's the answer: It's simple.........nobody bothered </div> <div> to check the oil. Didn't know we were getting low. And of </div> <div> course the reason for that is geographical. Most of the </div> <div> oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all the dipsticks </div> <div> are in Washington, D.C.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Don't Jump...??</B></div> <bR> <div> A Texan looked up at the top of a tall building and discovered a man ready to jump! <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#990000" FACE="Arial" >"Stop,"</FONT> he yelled, <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#669999" FACE="Arial" >"remember you're someone who has value!" </FONT></div> <div> The man yelled back, "I just lost everything of value in the stock market!" </div> <div> "But remember you're important to your wife,"<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > yelled the Texan. </FONT></div> <div> "She divorced me, the witch." </div> <div> "Your children! Remember your children,"<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > yelled the Texan.  </FONT></div> <div> "They never call," said the man. </div> <div>  </div> <div> "Then your parents. Remember your parents,"<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > yelled the Texan.  </FONT></div> <div> "Dead as doornails," said the man.  </div> <div> "Then 'Remember the Alamo," <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >yelled the Texan.  </FONT></div> <div> "What's the Alamo?" inquired the man. </div> <div>  </div> <div> And the Texan replied: <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#990000" FACE="Arial" ><B>"Jump, you  <blip> of a <blip>!"</B></FONT> </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>A Texan Goes To Heaven</B></div> <bR> <div> A Texan died and ascended into Heaven. St. Peter met him and welcomed him saying, </div> <div> "You will certainly enjoy Paradise."</div> <bR> <div> The Texan shook his head sadly and said "I always thought that TEXAS was</div> <div> Paradise." </div> <bR> <div> St. Peter said "Well, let me show you what we have to offer." He took the</div> <div> Texan to an area that had a beautiful river flowing through it with wildlife</div> <div> and flowers everywhere. "Isn't this beautiful?" said St. Peter.</div> <bR> <div> The Texan replied, "Yes, but not as pretty as the area around SAN ANTONIO."</div> <bR> <div> Somewhat ruffled, St. Peter took him to another area where there were</div> <div> rolling hills, whitetail deer and bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush</div> <div> everywhere. "Now" said St. Peter "Have you ever seen anything so wonderful?"</div> <bR> <div> The Texan paused and said "Yes, it is beautiful but it does not hold a</div> <div> candle to the TEXAS HILL COUNTRY in the springtime."</div> <bR> <div> Becoming more upset, St. Peter then took the Texan to a beautiful white</div> <div> beach, with gentle waves, and an azure sky. "Now have you seen </div> <div> this beautiful in Texas" said St. Peter.</div> <bR> <div> The Texan smiled and said "I guess you've never been to SOUTH PADRE ISLAND".</div> <bR> <div> At this point, St. Peter took the Texan to a large rock. On the side of the</div> <div> rock was a huge iron door. St. Peter opened the door and they stepped into</div> <div> an elevator and started going down.</div> <bR> <div> As they descended, it grew more and more hot. When the elevator </div> <div> opened, it revealed the fires of damnation-Hell. St. Peter said, "Now, have you got</div> <div> anything in Texas that can top that?"</div> <bR> <div> The Texan thought a moment and shook his head. "No, but I know a couple of</div> <div> old boys from HOUSTON that can put that thing out for you."</div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>A Blonde RV Joke</B></div> <bR> <div> A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a </div> <div> "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she's peels </div> <div> it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've </div> <div> won a motor home!" </div> <div> The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize </div> <div> is a free lunch." </div> <div> But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! </div> <div> I've won a motor home!" </div> <div> Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm </div> <div> sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won </div> <div> a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!" </div> <div> The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" </div> <div> She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads... </div> <div> " W I N A B A G E L <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Courier New" >"</FONT><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="1" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="596" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#0000CC" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="COLS" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#EEEEEE > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP ROWSPAN=2 BGCOLOR=#000066 HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="67"><div> <IMG SRC="2351b1b0.gif" border=0 width="27" height="27" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="87"><div> News</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="95"><div> Events</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="texasarticles.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Texas Articles Features"><U>Features</U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> Resort Reviews</div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> Classifieds</div> </NOBR></tD> 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